Interpersonal Communication Essay Example for Free

Interpersonal Communication Essay In the healthiest of environments, people advance from ‘relationship’ to ‘engaged’ status because two people have mutually acknowledged each other, have common understandings, and act with the other person’s concerns in mind. A relationship, be it for marriage, friends or business, requires a domain of actions and an assessment that your partner is worth trust because they act with the intention to take care and not betray shared concerns. One of those elements is the interpersonal communication between the people in the relationship. When communicating effectively, there is a behavioral coordination that results from the coupling between two people in such a way that the relationship can limit the drift of day-to-day life, and move with effective communication practices that will address fundamental concerns. The bedrock of effective interpersonal communication is to first know who ‘you’ are. Review and understanding of your self-concept, self-image, self-esteem, and personality will allow for greater spaces for possibility to understand the same elements of your partner. Interpersonal communication involves both verbal and nonverbal communication and both of these communication types can be expressed in a variety of different ways. One aspect to clearly understand is that communication is complex because it involves two or more people to be in a dance of coordinated action that will take care of concerns and/or fulfill the narrative of the future. Communication is also continuous; to be most effective in the domain of interpersonal communication there is a requirement of recurrence, recursion  and reciprocation. Communication is also dynamic in that the action requires the embodiment of practices that allow you to transform between public, private and behavioral queues with your significant other. Equally important to remember is the misconception that communication cannot transform interpretation. Languaging is a linguistic coordination of linguistic coordination’s, a domain of descriptions of descriptions that refer back to themselves for meaning. Our classroom text asserts that we cannot exactly repeat something we have said in the past. Even if our words are the same – the tome of voice and other characteristics such as posturing and tone will differ- and the listener will also have a different impression (sole, K. 2011). Communication is also irreversible in that we cannot take back our words once spoken. This is why it is very important to be conscious of what you are saying in moments of anger when you might say something that you may later regret. The harmonious combination of two different points of view can certainly be viewed as a barrier to effective interpersonal communication because balance between the two is not always achieved. Common communication problems in relationships are assessed as: 1) Silence or refusal to speak; 2) giving into the other person at a cost of self or the relationship (also known as placating); and 3) psychological requests or reports – which is essentially the announcement of a feeling, emotion, or state of being without any commitment to act from the assessment produced an/or speaking without regard for the truth to fulfill a concealed agenda. Let’s face it – the silent treatment is more often than not a way of inflicting pain on the other person, or to get them as angry or disappointed as you are. Either way, there are no good outcomes possible for effectiveness to be achieved. Giving in to your significant others demands can defuse a negative situation, however, over the long term you can loose who your ‘self’ is and the foundation of the relationship can begin to become eroded. Visions of virtues, what is a good life, beliefs, and what is important for being taken care of can be lost subconsciously without you even knowing it when you give into placating. The last of the three barriers mentioned is psychological warfare. This could be sabotage born out of feelings of resignation, despair, boredom, resentment, distrust, confusion, being overwhelmed, and skepticism. It is important to try and be a third party observer of your moods because they color your outlook about your relationship and the world over extended periods of time. Moments of perturbation should be discussed with your partner in the moment or soon after so that bottled up aggression does not have the opportunity to morph into something much worse in the future such as ‘playing games’. As reviewed in chapter three of our classroom text, what you perceive in the world depends on what you pay attention to (Sole, K. 2011). With acceptance of this assertion then it is easier to understand how you organize and interpret what you perceive, and the framework of your emotions take place. Always remember that emotions are specific ungrounded assessments that live in our bodies for only a short period of time as feelings and thoughts. The perception of your partner may differ from your own; in fact, it most likely does because you both have had two different journeys throughout life from birth to the present moment. It is important to remember that emotions are the result of perturbations of our nervous system and provide automatic and ungrounded assessments about the world because as reviewed earlier, our individual ‘worlds’ are made up of only what we are paying attention to. Some emotions are inherited genetically and some are learned. Emotions though, only tell us how we ‘feel’; not the ‘truth’. With this in mind we can begin to understand then to be careful to know the difference between stating a ‘truth’ to our partner and making an ‘assertion’. With interpersonal relationships it is important to be aware of our emotions and how they affect the people around us, including our significant others. Non-verbal communication is defined as communication of a message without words, which means that it encompasses a wide range of vocal and visual signs and behaviors (Sole, K. 2011). Throughout your relationship you will  express yourself not only with your voice or with a pen, but also with eyes, facial expressions and body posturing. When listening to your significant other it is recommended to be aware of your body posture; the technical term for this is called kinesics. For example, sometimes there is no greater expression of affection for someone than the embrace of a hug or putting your arm around them (Burgoon, Buller, Woodall, 1996). As time goes on most partners begin to pick up on what the other is thinking without even speaking through non-verbal communication habits. For example, my fiancà ©e figured out that whenever I rub my eye with my index finger by putting pressure in corner of eye, I am in a mood of frustration or anger; and I never realized I did that till she pointed it out to me! Emotional Intelligence, also known as EI, is a reference to the capacity that someone has to understand, communicate, and manage emotions; and further the ability to understand and respond to the feelings of others (Sole, K. 2011). This is an especially powerful element to successful relationships because it expands the different possibilities for thinking and actions that a couple can take throughout a lifetime together. EI is a reference that someone has a background of listening taking place where future possibilities are being listened to, even while declarations for thinking or acting have taken, or are taking place. Take the various moods of yourself and your significant other for example. The understanding of moods can help in managing conflicts with one another. Moods color a persons point of view about life for periods of time and have body postures associated with it. If you see your significant other standing with their arms crossed and eyebrows bent while eyes are starring at you like daggers, then you may not need them to say that they are frustrated because you can interpret that with your level of emotional intelligence. A submission from my own meandering experience on like is to recognize the difference between the things you can, and the things you cannot change in life. Do your best to let go of negative thoughts and change negative interpretations. If your significant other is not able to spend a lot of time with you because of the amount of time you work for example, then  instead of ‘getting down’ on it be thankful that you get to end the day with him or her, and that they are ambitious instead of lazy. Another broad suggestion that does not encompass a specific situation would be to stay away from â€Å"I† statements. Our text for the class uses a great example for this. Instead of â€Å"you make me so angry sometimes† TRY: â€Å"I am so angry with you sometimes†. It shows that you are taking ownership for your own emotions and are describing a behavior instead of simply acting on it without thinking the situation through. CLOSING: The bedrock of effective interpersonal communication is to first know who ‘you’ are. Review and understanding of your self-concept, self-image, self-esteem, and personality will allow for greater spaces for possibility to understand the same elements of your partner. References Bower, B. (2010, November). Shared talking styles herald new and lasting romance. U.S. News World Report, 1. Retrieved from ABI/INFORM Global on July 22, 2011. Document ID:2223940991 NARA SCHOENBERG. (2011, February 6). Can we talk? Researcher talks about the role of communication in marriages. Houston Chronicle,p. 7. Retrieved July 28, 2011, from ProQuest Newsstand. (Document ID: 2260839481). Nathan Miczo, Chris Segrin, Lisa E Allspach. (2001). Relationship between nonverbal sensitivity, encoding, and relational satisfaction. Communication Reports, 14(1), 39-48. Retrieved July 25, 2011, from Research Library. (Document ID: 72022836). Preston, P. (2005). Nonverbal communication: Do you reallynsay what you mean? Journal of Healthcare Management, 50(2), 83-6. Retrieved from ABI/INFORM Global. Document ID: 814698921 Sole, K. (2011). Making connections: Understanding interpersonal communication. San Diego, CA: Bridgepoint Education, Inc. (https://content.ashford.edu)

Wireless Mouse: History and Types

Wireless Mouse: History and Types Introduction Mouse is an input device for computer and it is used to access or run on the computer screen, without mouse we cant move cursor or arrow on the screen, without mouse we cant open, close, there is no such thing or device to replace instead of mouse. In this wireless mouse technology is now running in present world and wireless mouse works with Bluetooth connection and it uses battery power, battery power withstands longtime minimum period of one year and mouse consumes less power in it, in wireless mouse Bluetooth slot is present without losing transmitter. Mouse are of different types: Wire mouse Wireless mouse Touchpad mouse Key contributors: First mice were invented in the year 1944 by Ralph Benjamin and he was invented for the purpose for the fir control radar at world war II. Mouse was conceived by Doug Engelbart in the year 1960. The Engelbart thought up this idea in 1961 and first prototype mouse was created by English in 1964. (4) Engelbart English approached NASA for fund further research and to determine which input device is best for controlling cursor. In the year 1967 Bill English was analyzing the results of the various characteristics of input devices, Periodic table of the elements which has characteristics to define groups along rows and columns, periodic table is the main led to discovery of certain unknown elements, this defined the characteristics of a device that didnt exist before. That device was the mouse, (1) http://www.todayifoundout.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/03/canadian-mouse-340259.jpg The cursor was controlled by a simple mechanism using joystick that Benjamin after thinking and he came up with roller ball and it functions alike to the standard mechanical mouse. Roller ball was coated with rubber and it contacts to the sides of the rollers, rollers can turn in x y directions and that movement was transfer in to proper movement of pointer on screen. This device gave birth to the mouse. First developed: First prototype was developed by Bill English, and kept secretly without knowing outside of the world. Bill English Engelbart approach NASA for further research to get best results. (1) (5) http://www.superkids.com/aweb/pages/features/mouse/mouse.gif Mouse has only two directions to move freely i.e; X and y directions.After few inventions from mechanical mouse, ball mouse was replaced with single ball it can rotate in all direction when compared to mechanical mouse moves only in x and y directions. This version of mouse was changed the entire world later it became the predominant form ans used with personal computer throughtout 1980s and 1990s.(1) Mouse Mechanism http://www.madehow.com/images/hpm_0000_0005_0_img0035.jpg Mouse works with the help of roller ball and ball moves forward and backward direction with the help of diode motion was detected and transforms the motion onto the screen, there is special software to detect the motion of the roller ball and translate the motion on to the screen. Roller ball is used to control the cursor on the graphical user interface on screen, vertical wheel and horzontal wheel are used to move cursor from one point to another point on screen, roller ball has three guides which are used to guide the ball without getting out from the instrument while operating the mouse, the motion of the rollers sends electrical signals to the computer and software is used to convert signals in to user interface i.e; cursor.Mouse connects directly with the help of wire. The basic mouse has one button. http://www.iphone-tips-and-advice.com/image-files/apple_desig_one_mouse_button.jpg The single button has name LISA MOUSESingle button was first introduced by apple company in the year 1983 and material is steel and it was used until 2000.This design was not changed for almost 20 years due to it compact design, for this design they have done a lot of research to get final product, it was acctually designed and renamed by IDEO in 1991. Lisa mouse was failed due to it technical reasons, after that they changed and introduced The Macintosh Mouse material is used is rubber. After this apple introduced two more designs and it doesnt take any effect. (2) https://i0.wp.com/512pixels.net/wp-content/uploads/S3/2012-11-27-mighty.jpg?w=640 In 2005 apple introduced new product witout using mechanism and the name of the product is The Mighty Mouse after 22 years of strugulling they succeded in this product and it works good, the mouse body respond to the click.(2) Wireless Mouse: Wireless mouse or Optical mouse was first demonstrated by two independent inventors in 1980s by John Markoff Sol Sherr, it uses a infrared led and a four-quadrant infrared instrument to detect grid lines in pattern with infrared engrossing ink on a special metallic surface. (Optical Mouse.En.wikipedia.org.N.p.,2017.web.23 Mar.2017.) Optical mouse or wireless mouse uses a light source to detect movements relative to surface, it is different from mechanical mouse, in optical mouse moving parts are not present. https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Microsoft-wireless-mouse.jpg Wireless mouse consist of transmitter, reciever, battery, and reciver can be placed behind the battery inside the mouse. The reciever is connected to the computer and transmitter is inbuilt in side of the mouse, reciever and transmitter uses radio frequency to communicate each other to transfer signals from both sides and it is a continous process, if battery power drainsout we need to replace or if the battery is rechargable we need to charge before using. Functions of mouse:- Left click Single click Double click Click and hold Right click Scroll wheel Navigation or Sensor Left click is used for selecting options in left click or button there are three options in that single click is used to highlight folder or selecting the particular tab while browsing web. Double click is used for opening folder, selecting words, opening documents in that folder. Click and hold is for copying files from other sources in to the particular folder, copying images into word documents, highlight the words, drag and drop in web browsing, copying files from usb to pc. Right click is mainly for shortcuts for new folders, new ms office files, for documents or folders right click is to open,edit,rename,cut,copy,delete,properties.This functions are highlighted in that particular button or click. Scroll wheel is used to scroll page up down, zoom in zoom out in maps,images, in some applications scroll wheel is also used to exit particular command i.e; creo software. Navigation or sensor is nothing but identifying where cursor or pointer is located. Sensor identifies the location of cursor or pointer. Touch pad: Touch pad was first introduced by Olivetti and Triumph-Adler in 1992, after that Cirque corporation was developed and commercilaized the touchpad and it was used commonly for various products like notebook and computers. Cirque corporation branded as Glidepoint in 1994, Glidepoint wass the first technology adopted in the notebook omputers as system pointing devices, it performs the same as mouse. Glide point technology reconiged as one of six best products on cover Best products of 1994. PC Magazine 10 january 1995. (3) Apple announced touchpads to powerbook series in the year 1992.(3) http://netdna.webdesignerdepot.com/uploads/2009/01/powerbook_100_pose.jpg Touchpad works two types of working principle, conductive sensing and capacitive sensing. Conductive sensing has two layers one is horizontal and vertical set of wires between two layers there are low conductive material is used for intersection and doesnt flow electricity between these layers. Capacitive sensors detect anything is conductive and it has two parts one is ground and other is sensor. Capacitive sensor is the most common sensor is widely used in everyday life. https://i.stack.imgur.com/CBxTN.jpg when we touch the two layers by using finger for contact to each other at a point and the point gets coordinates and coordinates sends to the system. Functions of touchpad is like mouse; relative motion enables us to move our finger across the surface of touchpad and moves cursor on screen. Under the touchpad two buttons are present and it was like the mouse buttons and it functions same as mouse clicks i.e.; left button, right button. Mouse has scroll wheel and in touch pad it doesnt provide in it, instead of that in touchpad there is an option of hotspot which enables the scroll wheel function in touchpad, there is an option in hotspot like, one finger, multi finger, additional. One-finger there are different option tapping; button, left click, right click; drag and drop. Multi-finger there are zooming; scrolling; rotation; three-finger; four-finger. Additional there are palm tracking; sensitivity; smart motion. Future: Touchpads are replaced with virtual reality, we can control everything on screen using our finger and we no need any physical contact to the object or product, and we can virtually move anything on screen. In future, we cant see mice due to virtual reality is useful for bright future. Mice transforms from mechanical to electrical from past to present, further we can see virtual reality. Virtual reality is the latest technology. Bibliography Battery optimization for mouse technology. Engineering research and applied science 5(1).2147-3471 (2016): 328-331.web. AppleS Mouse: A history -512. 512pixels.net N.p., 2017.web. 30 Mar.2017. First laptops with touchpad as mouse replacement?. Vintage computer forum. N.p., 2017. Web.30 Mar.2017 Father of The Mouse: Doug Engelbart. An Exclusive Interview in Superkids Software Review. Superkids.com.N.p.,2017.web.23 Mar.2017. Smallwood, karl. who invented The computer Mouse?. Today I Found Out.N.p., 2017.web. 26 Mar.2017.

To Kill A Mockingbird The Maturing of Jem Finch Essay examples -- Kil

To Kill A Mockingbird   Ã‚  Ã‚  Ã‚  Ã‚  Ã‚  Ã‚  Ã‚  Ã‚  Ã‚  Ã‚     The Maturing of Jem Finch   Ã‚  Ã‚   Society is not as innocent to a child as it may appear to be. In fact, when one really understands the society in which he lives he is no longer a child. This is much the same case as found in To Kill A Mockingbird, by Leigh Harper. Although Jem, being a child at the beginning of the novel, is immature and unaware of the society in which he lives, he matures mentally to the point where he sees the evil in society and gains a knowledge of death.   Ã‚  Ã‚   Like most children, at the beginning of To Kill A Mockingbird Jem and Scout are both young, play together, and have childhood monsters or fears like other children. Primarily, in To Kill A Mockingbird, Jem is young. Scout states their age when it supposedly all starts: "When I was almost six and Jem was almost ten..." (10). Here Jem is only nine years old and therefore still a moderately young child; it is assumed he is therefore immature. Jem also spends his time playing with his five year old sister. This also occurs very early in the novel: "Early one morning as we were beginning our day's play in the back yard, Jem and I heard something next door in Miss Rachel Haverford's collard patch." (11). As the novel progresses, Jem no longer plays with his sister Scout, but he is doing so at this point and he would appear to anyone as one child playing with his sister. Lastly, Jem has childhood fears like most any child does. All children have their fears or monsters. In Jem's case it i rthur Radley, commonly known as Boo:   Ã‚  Ã‚   " Let's try and make him come out..."   Ã‚  Ã‚   Jem said if he... ...ttacked by the vengeful Bob Ewell:   Ã‚  Ã‚   We were nearly to the road when I felt Jem's hand leave me, felt him   Ã‚  Ã‚   jerk back- wards to the ground. More scuffling, and there came a dull   Ã‚  Ã‚   crunching sound Jem screamed. (265)   Ã‚  Ã‚   Here Jem gains an awareness of his own life, his own mortality. These three deaths each had a their own individual effect on Jem, but Jem definitely gained an accomplished knowledge of death. Thus, Jem is a child at the beginning of To Kill A Mockingbird but does mature, gaining a sense of the society surrounding him and a knowledge, or a mature awareness, of death. Jem doesn't gain these mental developements easily but through much struggling, and this is exactly what To Kill A Mockingbird is all about; a struggle with society and learning by placing one's self in another's shoes.

Free Things They Carried Essays: The Problem of Surviving :: Things They Carried Essays

The Things They Carried   In the short story â€Å"The Things They Carried† Tim O’Brien faces Jimmy Cross with the problem of surviving while fighting in Vietnam.   While trying to maintain his sanity, Jimmy struggles between his old self and the person he has to become.   Jimmy has to make some difficult decisions while in his tour, and most of them come to his attention after his friend Ted Lavender is killed.   Ã‚  Ã‚  Ã‚  Ã‚  Ã‚  Ã‚  Ã‚  Ã‚  Ã‚  Ã‚   Jimmy’s main struggle in dealing with his friends death is to figure out a way he can become a better leader.   He wants to lead his troop with confidence and preciseness.   Before his friend’s death, Jimmy had constructed a bulwark to separate him from the rest of the troop.   Jimmy was in his own world, mainly back in New Jersey with Martha, but sometimes in a fantasy world where nothing felt real and he would do amazing things like fly over Vietnam waving the whole madness goodbye.   His misconception of fantasy and reality is one of the first things that he changes about himself in order to become a better leader.   Making this decision was near impossible, the pictures that he had become inured to seeing everyday were put to flame and Martha was no longer in his thoughts.   Ã‚  Ã‚  Ã‚  Ã‚  Ã‚  Ã‚  Ã‚  Ã‚  Ã‚  Ã‚   By burning those pictures he not only breaks free from the fantasy world, but also of Martha.   She was a girl back home who he had loved dearly, and had remained in contact with throughout the war.   His infatuation with Martha was not a sexual one, but one that had something much greater weight towards his survival.   He did not think about Martha day in and day out because she was his only true love of the world; he merely needed something to occupy his mind with.   He needed something to keep his thoughts away from the horrible tragedies going on around him.   He was trying to maintain his hope.   Martha gave him a goal, something to shoot for, a reason not to give up.   â€Å"So easy, really.   Go limp and tumble to the ground and let the muscles unwind and not speak and not budge until your buddies picked you up and lifted you into the chopper†¦.†Ã‚   Because of Martha Jimmy cross could not let go.   He could not make himself quit.   Ã‚  Ã‚  Ã‚  Ã‚  Ã‚  Ã‚  Ã‚  Ã‚  Ã‚  Ã‚   Part of this great determination came from his conflict with fear and courage.

Uncovering History in our own Backyard :: essays research papers

Uncovering History in our own Backyard   Ã‚  Ã‚  Ã‚  Ã‚   Dr. Solberg has his own stamp on discovering American history. He has had a long interest in the ordinary person and was quoted as saying â€Å"People that carry history are a needed part of our past.† He did his doctorates on diaries from the 18th century. And has sent much of his time studying letters sent to Norway during the 1930s and 1940s. Dr. Solberg started the lecture by asking Olle and Marie Mellin to stand up in the audience they are both in the American Scandinavian foundation and have set up scholarships for Scandinavian studies. Solberg was quoted as saying â€Å"They where pillars of the American foundation.†   Ã‚  Ã‚  Ã‚  Ã‚  Solberg told of a book that he felt had a connection with what he was doing in Solvang. The name of the book was Prairie Earth by â€Å"William least HeatMoon.† Heatmoon did a cultivation of land in the Midwest wand with that went through the history of the land from the Indians to the present. Almost like a de-mapping of the land.   Ã‚  Ã‚  Ã‚  Ã‚  Slides came on the screen from the American Post magazine. This magazine was what covered American life during the time of Solberg's childhood, almost every American home had one. In an issue dated January 1947 an article told of Solvang being an â€Å"Original Danish community.† This article had a profound effect on tourism. Land prices went sky high and Solvang became a tourist town.   Ã‚  Ã‚  Ã‚  Ã‚  There are three areas that Solberg will cover in the lecture, the first being the background of Solvang, the second will cover the time from 1911 through 1916, and the third being his own experience from the 60s. After graduating from UCSB Solberg went to Europe and after his return he felt he felt a strong interest in cultivating history. It was at this time he decided to do Solvang. He decided to do an oral history. â€Å"If you fail to get oral history you lose parts of history.† Solberg did not tape anyone with out there permission was able to collect photos to give a human dimension to his oral report.   Ã‚  Ã‚  Ã‚  Ã‚  Large ranchos gave the backdrop for the Santa Ynez valley. With 40,000 acres the valley became a huge area for cattle. In 1804 the first mission was established. 1888 the first railroad became operational before this time Los Olivous was the business center but by 1888 it had died down and by 1911 Solvang was the center of the Santa Ynez valley.

People do not treat others as equals Essay

There is a problem with the way the world works right now. People do not treat others as equals. Regardless of race, age, creed, color, or sex, people have found a way to escape from treating humans with common decency. As we walk through our lives, we are disrespected at least once a day, and probably more than that. We are brought up in a world where winners are just that, they are winners, and because they win, we are supposed to revere and envy them. We are in constant competition, rarely is anything settled without a clear winner, and this is how we live. We are the true essence of a Dominator Model in this sense. But we do not draw the line there. We can extend it out to personal relationships to. The line can be extrapolated because we, an editorial â€Å"we† mind you, treat our personal relationships in much the same manner. Arguments rarely end in compromise, and when it does it is not what comes naturally. So this is the life we have set up and in order to shift the paradigm we must first discover what is wrong and move on. We must attack the issues that keep us closer to Cro-Magnon man than evolved individuals. And that is what my intention is for today’s radio program. One of the main concerns when talking about compromise is the fact that things end without one being over another; we are talking about ending things, in dominator language, in a tie. But we cannot look at this as being bad; we must look at this as being a win. This is what we are talking about, a complete paradigm shift which lends no glory to the dominator, or androcratic society. One of the keys to making this shift occur is to first recognize what is on the other side of the androcratic model, which is the partnership or Gylanic model. The Gylanic model is based on the idea of mutual well being, and for a society such as ours that has always pleasured male over female, straight over gay, etc this is a hard concept for us to grasp. Tearing these historical walls that have been built for us is the birth of a new paradigm. And there are many ways to get to this idea, I will focus on a few that will get us started, and hopefully it will snowball, over a period of time of course, but hopefully it will pick up steam and lead us into a society that places emphasis on every individual who resides in the realm of partnership. Effective listening: This is one of the main concerns when shifting from androcratic to Gylanic models. Over time our conversational skills have excelled while or listening skills have fallen by the way side. We have seen great leaders, and great icons of pop-culture speak without listening, and it is not just something that the trained specimen can see, it is painfully obvious. In order to start us on our way this is the first baby step that must be taken. Emphasis needs to, once again, be placed on communication. Interruptions are just that, they interrupt that which somebody is trying to say, so we must understand that cutting somebody off from speaking is a facet of the Dominator Model. Listen to those that you speak with, and let them know that you are listening. Showing that you are listening is not the most difficult of tasks, it is quite simple really. Here are some things that one can do to show that he/she is listening: eye contact, a simple nodding of the head when it is appropriate, not interrupting, are just a few things that could improve a conversation dramatically. It is amazing what you hear when you actually listen without having to speak at the same time. Too, this helps to create a comfortable environment, in which exchange is welcome. After a conversation and this is the true test, tell the person that you are speaking with what you just heard them say. It may be difficult at first, to be able to listen and not speak, and then to be able to reiterate what you had just heard, but it helps to strengthen a relationship. â€Å"True Listening, total concentration on the other, is always a manifestation of love. An essential part of true listening is the discipline of bracketing, the temporary giving up or setting of one’s own prejudges, frames of references and desires so as to experience as far as possible the speaker’s world from the inside, stepping inside his or her shoes. This unification of speaker and listener is actually an extension and enlargement of ourselves and new knowledge is always gained from this. Moreover since true listening involves bracketing, a setting aside of self, it also temporarily involves a total acceptance of the other.† – A Road Less Traveled Scott, Peck [emphasis mine] Now we will be moving listening, from just an aspect of everyday life, to the inclusion within interpersonal relationships. This is obviously a necessity in relationships, as is so stated by Peck, but true listening is not asking anything that is â€Å"easy†. It is work. In many relationships one party is always subverted under another party, and for this reason a successful relationship is hard to find. We must not think along the lines of mimesis either, because to find power through ones subversion of power, is once again striding to find a winner. We must drop the idea of â€Å"the last word† or the idea that there must be a â€Å"winner.† Arguments can be settled within the parameters of effective communication. As Peck says it is an act of love, listening is an act of true love, and with the absence of true listening, true love in turn takes on another meaning. We are talking about moving from north to south here; we must learn that compromise is winning, and that there is not a single winner and a single loser. Listening is part of communicating, and in order to be successful, as is with anything else, we must be able to communicate. In summation being able to listen effectively is the first step in the long line of steps of communication, which must be taken in effort to escape the life of the Androcratic model. I know that Rome was not built in a day, and that I am not going to change our society in one conversation about how to change, but I do want to focus on one aspect that will start us on the path of partnership, and that aspect I am focusing on is the aspect of communication. So I will not get into â€Å"bedroom† subject matter. The next aspect of communication that is important is called leveling. Virginia Satir says, â€Å"What the leveling response does is make it possible for you to live as a whole person †¦ real, in touch with your head, your heart, your feelings, and your body.† Leveling is a system in which we speak our minds but not at anybody’s expense. We speak without thinking that we might make a mistake, or we might be criticized, or impose on somebody. All leveling is is â€Å"responding to real people in real situations that permit you to agree because you really do† (Satir, Virginia). She uses The Matrix as one example. In the Matrix people are hungry for the directness that is offered by Morpheus, but not many are willing to except it. It is the reality that is stated through our own constructed reality. The â€Å"I† statement is the best way to begin the leveling process. I feel . . . . (an emotion or feeling, not a belief) Because . . . . (feelings come out of YOU and your various Experiences in your life; explain the basis of your feelings rather than blaming or â€Å"psychologizing† the other person or yourself) And What I’d To do or see Happen now is . .(how both of you can take into account one another’s needs, and work toward an acceptable solution for/with each other) It is the idea of taking responsibility rather than placing blame. It is very effective. The final idea that I will discuss today is the idea of being a mindful learning. We are students of life, we are constantly learning based on what occurs in our lives. We must actually learn what we go through though. We must take the time and be energized in our lives in order to learn from mistakes that we have made, and hold on to the things that we do well. I suggest that we mindfully improve the way we learn so that we can create our own understanding of the process that will help live our quality of life. Become interested in your own live and it will create interest in others. Focus on the other person and listen to his/her stories and life experiences and communicate in an effective manner that will allow for a steady relationship.

Succubus Shadows Chapter 13

I woke up next to Seth, and for the space of heartbeat, I thought I truly was waking – waking up from an awful, awful dream about the Oneroi and everything else that had happened since Seth and I had broken up. He lay asleep in bed with the sheets tangled around him, his light brown hair glinting reddish in the morning sun. He slept only in boxers, and his chest looked warm and smooth and perfect for cuddling against. His breathing was even, his posture still and relaxed. I drank it all in, all the little Seth details I'd been missing for months. I swore that I could even smell him. Did dreams have smells? This one did, I was certain. That soft woodsy-apple scent wrapped around me like an embrace. After a few moments, he began to stir and sleepily open his eyes. He squinted at the light and rolled onto his back, stifling a yawn. I wanted to roll right over to him and snuggle against his warmth, telling him all about the nightmares I'd been having. Then, I realized there was no way I could go to him. I couldn't move. Well, that wasn't exactly true. There was more to it than that. I just didn't have a body. I was an observer only, like the invisible camera I'd been with Roman and Jerome. This apparently was not a dream I was active in, and the realization of that drove home the terrible truth: this was still an Oneroi dream. I hadn't imagined them. I hadn't imagined Seth and me breaking up. He sat up in bed and rubbed his eyes. It was such a familiar, nostalgic sight. Getting up was always hard for him, largely because of the bizarre writing hours he kept. He glanced over at the clock, which was near the direction from which I was â€Å"watching.† His eyes passed right over where I would have been. Yes. I was just a ghost in this. But what was â€Å"this† exactly? Truth or lie? The time on the clock – nine in the morning – must have been motivation enough for him to drag himself out of bed. Still in boxers, he stumbled into the bathroom, miraculously not walking into anything in his sleepy state. While brushing his teeth, he noticed a note on the counter. I immediately recognized the writing because I saw it all the time at the bookstore. Went in early today to get a few things done and should be done by six. Bring Brandy by, if you can, to try on those shoes. Love, Maddie Seeing Maddie's name jolted me out of the Seth Fantasyland I'd been living in as he went through his morning routine. Expanding my vision now, I saw changes to his bathroom – things that hadn't been there when we'd dated. Another toothbrush, for one thing. Makeup in the corner. A pink robe on the bathroom hook. On the books, Maddie was still sharing a place with Doug, but we all knew what the reality was. That pain that hadn't really left since my last dream grew tighter within my chest. She was all over this place. She had left her mark everywhere, everywhere in this space he and I had once shared together. I had been replaced. Seth went through the rest of his routine, including a remarkably fast shower. He was notorious for staying in there forever while plotting some story line. I tried hard not to focus on the sight of him naked and wet and instead pondered where he might be going today. If it was just to write at the bookstore, he wouldn't have been moving so briskly. He easily found clean boxers and jeans, but the hardest part of his day came next: what T-shirt to wear? When we'd been together, I'd loved watching this. I'd lie in bed – after all, I had no urgency to ever get ready – laughing while he deliberated and deliberated over his massive T-shirt collection. Each had its own hanger, displaying some bit of retro or pop culture novelty. Vanilla Ice. ALF. Mr. T cereal. He flipped through them all, studying each one carefully as his hand touched each sleeve. Then, his fingers suddenly brushed against a sleeve longer than the others. His closet wasn't all T-shirts. There were a few sweaters and pullovers crammed into the sides. There was also a flannel shirt; it was what he'd stopped and noticed. Pushing the other shirts aside, he took the flannel off of its hanger and held it up, his motions almost reverent. Even without physical form, I had the sensation of my heart going still. I knew this shirt. It was one he'd given me to wear a long time ago, the night I'd passed out at his place from too much alcohol. I'd met his family the next day, looking ridiculous with the flannel over my strappy party dress. Even while dating, I'd totally forgotten all about that shirt. He held it there between his hands, and the look on his face†¦there was so much there, I didn't even know where to start. Seth was so good at keeping his expression neutral and could be extremely short-spoken when he chose. But here, alone, he was unguarded. There was sorrow on his face. Sorrow and regret. And when he held the shirt up and rested his head on it, I saw longing as well. The whole mood was rounded out with a sort of helpless resignation. He inhaled deeply and then hung the shirt back up. As he did, I caught the faintest whiff of tuberose blossoms – the leftover scent of my Michael Kors perfume. Seth had never worn or washed it again, I realized with a start. He'd just kept it like some sort of treasured artifact. After that, he simply grabbed the first T-shirt his hand came across, without even looking. It was an old favorite of his, showing the Tasmanian Devil from Looney Tunes. Seth's mood had shifted considerably, down to something a little more solemn and thoughtful than when he'd gotten out of the shower. My observations didn't go into his head, though. I could only judge by outside signs. His reason for getting up turned out to be a trip to his brother's house. Like always, the elder Mortensen's home was chaotic, with small adorable blond girls running around, many of them shrieking when they saw their favorite uncle. He'd barely stepped inside when Andrea, his sister-in-law, came out to greet him. She wore a corduroy jacket with her jeans and T-shirt, her blond hair slicked back into a neat ponytail. She gave Seth a startled look. â€Å"You didn't bring your laptop?† Andrea was as cheerful as always but appeared tired. He gestured over to where his twin nieces, McKenna and Morgan, were playing tug of war with a string of Christmas lights. It was odd because Christmas was over a month away and also because the lights were plugged in, which seemed like some sort of electrical risk to me. Apparently Seth felt the same way because he hastily intercepted them and removed the string of lights altogether, amid much protest. â€Å"I don't think I'll get much work done with these guys,† he said dryly. â€Å"Yeah,† she admitted. â€Å"I can see that.† She glanced at her watch. â€Å"Okay, gotta go. I don't know how long this'll take.† â€Å"No problem,† he said. â€Å"Do what you need to.† She scurried out the door. I wanted to ask where she was off to but had no means. Again, I was reminded how out of the loop I was from the Mortensen world now. Once I would have known every detail. Kendall, a precocious nine-year-old, solemnly walked up to Seth. â€Å"Uncle Seth,† she said, â€Å"will you play Loan with me?† Seth arched an eyebrow. â€Å"Loan? What's that?† â€Å"It's where I'm the mortgage broker, and you come to get a loan for a house but don't have the money for a down payment.† She paused. â€Å"We'll have to make a pretend income fax for you.† â€Å"Tax,† he corrected. â€Å"And how about we go to the bookstore instead?† She frowned. â€Å"I want to play Loan.† â€Å"They have real estate books there,† he said. â€Å"I don't think we can play Loan without sufficient background.† â€Å"Okay,† she conceded. â€Å"We can go.† Brandy strolled into the living room just then with her four-year-old sister in her arms. Kayla looked like she'd woken up from a nap and sleepily had her head against Brandy's shoulder. I loved all the girls, but something about Kayla always affected me more strongly. â€Å"Go where?† asked Brandy, shifting Kayla's weight. Although she held her sister tenderly, Brandy had a dark cloud around her. â€Å"To Emerald City.† Brandy sighed. â€Å"Don't you spend enough time there?† â€Å"Maddie got a few pairs of shoes for the dress and needs you to try them on.† Brandy gave him a look that exquisitely expressed all of her feelings on that topic. â€Å"Don't start,† he warned, in as chastising a tone as I'd ever heard him use. Welcome to adolescence, Seth. â€Å"Is Georgina working?† she asked. Kendall looked up from where she'd been starting to color. In orange crayon, a blank piece of paper read â€Å"IRS.† â€Å"Yeah, can we see Georgina?† Kendall piped in. Seth looked pained. â€Å"I don't know if she's there or not.† I didn't know either. I didn't know if this was a true or false dream. It felt true so far, but I didn't trust the Oneroi. Being an observer, I had to think I wouldn't be there. Certainly I wouldn't if this were true. I wondered what would happen at the store when I suddenly stopped showing up. â€Å"I can just stay here while you're gone,† Brandy said. â€Å"Mom doesn't mind if I'm alone.† â€Å"Then you can't try on the shoes. Which defeats the whole purpose.† After a carefully worded â€Å"discussion,† in which Brandy suggested he just bring the shoes to her, she finally conceded. With the whole gang along, they had to take the Mortensen van, which Seth didn't seem overly thrilled about. But there was no other way to transport five girls, one of whom needed a car seat. The troop arrived at Emerald City. Seth left the four younger ones in the kids' section, which was a wonderland of picture books, puzzles, and stuffed animals. Janice was working that area today and told him she'd keep an eye on the girls. Seth also put Kendall in charge of her sisters, with the bribe that he'd buy her some finance books. That left him and Brandy to find Maddie, who was holed up in an office. Her face lit up when she saw them, and she practically flew from her seat to give him a quick kiss. Brandy scowled, and a troubled feeling burned within me. The love on Maddie's face was so obvious, so strong†¦anyone could see it. She made no attempts to hide it, even at work. I hated their relationship, but how could I resent her feelings? How could I resent her loving the man who meant the world to me? â€Å"How's work?† he asked her, smiling fondly. Was that his way of showing love too? How had he looked around me? For some reason, I was certain he'd been different†¦hadn't he? I couldn't remember. Maddie gestured to the desk she shared with Doug. â€Å"A little crazy. Yet strangely boring. I'm stuck on paperwork all day. Performance reviews.† â€Å"Hey, I'm stuck on paperwork every day.† She rolled her eyes. â€Å"Bad joke. And not the same at all.† â€Å"Try putting some sex and violence into the reviews, and they might go faster.† I was too disturbed by their banter to pay much attention to the fact that Maddie was doing my job. Brandy looked equally pained by the conversation. As Maddie and Seth spoke, I studied him further, trying to read his feelings. Yes, there was affection†¦yet, it reminded me a little of the warm indulgence he showed his nieces. At last, Maddie produced a shopping bag full of shoes. Brandy's dress was hanging in the office, and Maddie ordered Seth to leave while his niece changed. Just before he was shooed out, Maddie remarked to Brandy, â€Å"I'm glad this color looks good on you. I decided to do everything purple because of how great it looked on Georgina. I found some awesome flowers that go with it all too.† Oh, fucking fantastic. I had influenced the color scheme for their wedding. Seth left, and I went with him. He wandered through the store, browsing through books – an activity he never tired of. Several employees said hello to him as they passed by. Including me. Seeing as the Oneroi had put me in dreams a couple times now, I shouldn't have been surprised. Except, whenever I was a character in the theatre of these dreams, I'd always had awareness of it. I'd watched me and felt me. Now, I saw myself approach Seth exactly the same way I'd seen Maddie and Brandy approach him. I was still objective. No inner connection. Again, just like watching a movie. I didn't entirely understand it, but nothing the Oneroi did should really shock me anymore. â€Å"Hey,† I (she?) said, shelving a couple books. They were copies of The Scarlet Letter, and I'd set them in new releases. â€Å"Hey,† said Seth, a weird mix of shyness and familiarity in his manner. â€Å"How's it going?† â€Å"Not bad,† I said. â€Å"Quiet day. Mostly just putting away books.† â€Å"You've got Maddie doing reviews.† â€Å"Yeah, well, I thought she could handle it. Besides, this dress is new. It'd be a shame to keep it hidden.† My watching self had already noticed the dress because that was second nature to me. It was a great dress but not necessarily one to wear to work. It was a silk sheath that stopped high on the thigh, with straps tying around the neck and a scoop neckline that showed a considerable amount of cleavage. There was no bra anywhere. I looked like I should have been clubbing, not shelving. Seeing as this whole vision was no memory of mine, the dress only furthered the fact that this was one of the lies. I wasn't afraid to tart it up, but even I had boundaries at work. Seth seemed surprised at the dress but not unappreciative. â€Å"You should be hand-selling,† he said. â€Å"Go outside with a book, and I bet you could push it on anyone.† â€Å"This dress might not work on everyone,† I pointed out. He gave me one of those little smiles of his, and I wondered if the other Georgina melted like I did. â€Å"The dress is only half of it. You're charming enough to talk anyone into anything.† I gave him a smile in return, one that was both cheery and sly. â€Å"Anything?† The innuendo didn't progress because Kayla suddenly pranced over and wrapped her arms around Seth's legs. He scooped her up and glanced around. â€Å"What happened to Kendall? No finance books for bad babysitters.† My alter ego peered over toward the magazines. â€Å"Is that her?† I sounded uncertain, which was odd because when Seth turned to see, it was perfectly obvious it was Kendall. She was reading Forbes. Seth sighed and called her over. She brightened when she saw me. â€Å"Hi, Georgina! You're so pretty today.† â€Å"Thanks,† I said, beaming. â€Å"You were supposed to be in charge,† said Seth. â€Å"Go get the twins. Hopefully they haven't wandered out into traffic.† Kendall shook her head. â€Å"They're playing with puzzles.† But she raced off nonetheless. Kayla was staring around the store in that distracted way children her age had, watching the people and sights. Seth gave her a slight nudge. â€Å"What about you? Aren't you going to say hi to Georgina?† Kayla glanced in the direction he indicated, looked me over, and then continued her survey of the store. It wasn't so much she shunned me or was repulsed by me; it was more like she was disinterested. I didn't stand out to her more than any other patron or even one of the shelves. â€Å"One of her moods,† said Seth apologetically. Brandy surfaced, still annoyed by the shoes, but immensely happy to see me. The rest of the girls were rustled up, and after a bit more chatting, Seth and the nieces left me to my bad shelving. He'd continued holding Kayla in his arms, and she suddenly turned to him in all seriousness. â€Å"When are you going to find Georgina?† she asked. Her voice was small and sweet. She rarely spoke, so I always loved the sound of it when she did. He frowned, trying to open the van door with one hand. Brandy helped him. â€Å"We just saw Georgina,† he said. â€Å"Inside.† â€Å"No, we didn't,† said Kayla. â€Å"We did. You snubbed her,† he teased. â€Å"I told you to say hello.† â€Å"That wasn't Georgina. You have to find her.† â€Å"What have you been smoking?† Brandy asked, taking over to buckle Kayla into her booster. â€Å"That was Georgina.† Seth sighed. â€Å"Be careful with your choice of expressions.† The topic dropped after that, but as they drove back to Terry and Andrea's, a chill ran through me. Kayla knew. Kayla knew I was gone. This must be a true dream after all. We'd learned recently that she had the faintest stirring of psychic powers and the ability to perceive some things on the supernatural plane. She had a vague sense of my aura, and she'd realized that it wasn't me in the store. That's why she'd been so disinterested. It was also why I hadn't been inside that Georgina. It wasn't Georgina. Then who was it? With a sinking feeling, I immediately answered my own question. Who else would have an interest in looking like me and flirting with Seth? Simone. Simone was impersonating me in my absence, I was certain of it. Son of a bitch. I couldn't feel her aura in this dream form, and no mortal could, period. Except for Kayla. Fuck. This was not what I needed. The rest of Seth's day was uneventful, though he thankfully never ran into â€Å"me† again. Andrea returned, and it was then I learned she'd been at a doctor's appointment. She thanked Seth for his help, though it took a long time for him to leave, due to all the younger girls' good-byes. Seth finally returned to his condo and spent the day writing, which was boring for me to watch. I didn't get why the Oneroi hadn't pulled me out yet. Sure, it had been disheartening to see that no mortal knew I was gone, but this dream hadn't had the devastating effects of the others. Evening fell, and Maddie returned home. Seth, engrossed in his work, stayed at his desk until she found him and spun his chair around. She climbed onto his lap, wrapping her legs around him in a way very similar to what I used to do. He smiled at her, wrapping his arms around her as well and returning her hello kiss. â€Å"How was your paperwork?† he asked. Maddie ran her fingers along the side of his face, that love radiating off of her. â€Å"Nonstop. Georgina left it all on me today. I don't know what was up with that.† â€Å"She said she thought you could handle it.† Maddie pulled a face. â€Å"More like she wanted to take the day off and prance around. Did you see that dress she was wearing? I mean, yeah, she can pull off anything she wants to wear, but that wasn't really work appropriate.† He laughed and pulled her closer. â€Å"I think Georgina thinks her wit and charm can let her get away with anything she wants.† â€Å"Yeah, well, she's not as funny as she always thinks she is,† grumbled Maddie. â€Å"And all she got away with today was looking like she was trying to pick up some guy at the store.† â€Å"Wouldn't be the first time,† said Seth with a shrug. â€Å"What?† â€Å"You didn't know? She sleeps with Warren all the time. Usually in his office.† I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Not only were the two of them mocking me, Seth had also told Maddie about my on-again off-again affair with the store's owner Warren. Doug had always had his suspicions, but other than Seth, no one else knew. I had never expected Seth to betray that secret. â€Å"I had no idea,† said Maddie. â€Å"And yet†¦I don't know. Maybe I did. I mean, everything she wears is kind of slutty.† â€Å"She sleeps around a lot. She'll pretty much go home with anyone.† He paused. â€Å"She even tried it with me once.† â€Å"Really?† Maddie's eyes went wide. â€Å"What'd you do?† â€Å"Nothing. I have no interest in that. I couldn't handle being with someone so easy. She'd probably sleep with all my friends while we were dating.† He cupped Maddie's face in his hands. â€Å"Not that it matters. I have no reason to even go looking, not when I have the best thing right here.† He drew her to him, and they kissed again. It wasn't the earlier hello kiss either. It was deep and ardent, both of them eagerly trying to get as much of the other as they could. His hands gripped hold of the bottom of her tank top and jerked it over her head, revealing a black satin bra I was pretty sure I'd helped her pick out. Never breaking the kiss, his hands then went around her waist as he half-carried, half-stumbled out of the office and into the bedroom. They fell onto the covers, hands moving all over each other's bodies and kisses starting to spread beyond lips. No, I thought, unsure if the Oneroi could hear me or not. No. I don't want to see this. Take me back. Take me back to the box. Send me to another dream. But if they were there, they weren't listening. I had no eyes to close. I couldn't look away. There was no way to unsee what I was seeing. I'd experienced a lot of heart-wrenching things in my relationship with Seth, things that had hurt me so badly that I swore I wanted to die. But nothing, nothing could have prepared me for seeing him have sex with another woman. And it wasn't just watching the act itself, the way their naked bodies intertwined with one another and the cries of pleasure elicited in the height of orgasm. It was the look on his face as he did it. There it was. The love I'd been searching for earlier. I'd thought before he only regarded her with a strong affection, similar to the fond love he had for his nieces. No. This was passion I saw on his face, the kind of love that burned so deeply, it connected two people's souls. He was looking at her the way he'd once looked at me. I had never thought it was possible. Somewhere, somehow, I'd been convinced that he loved her in a different way from me. Maybe their love was strong, but I'd felt certain it could never match what he felt for me. Ours was different. Yet, seeing them now, I saw that wasn't true. And when, at the end, he told her she was his world – just as he'd once told me – I knew that I really was nothing special. The love he had for me was gone. And in the terrible, excruciating pain of that moment, I no longer wanted to die. There was no point because I was certain just then that I had died – because surely, surely, Hell couldn't be worse than this.